as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
