had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
