I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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