wakey wakey hands off snakey
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
