You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
