Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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