I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
