I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
