She said her name was "party"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
