I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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