one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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