Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
