It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
