its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
