I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
