dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
