This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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