Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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