I must be too annoying 4 u.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
