then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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