Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
