dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
