I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
