her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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