I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
