How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
