yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
