GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
