Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
