the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
