I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
