who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
