Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
babies were throwing up all over the place
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
