I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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