so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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