make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
