My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
