so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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