I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
