i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
