she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
