I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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