i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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