They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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