she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
