all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I FOUND THE LEGS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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