so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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