how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
