dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
