And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
