the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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