Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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